Ever tried to successfully seat 100 people together?
Well, that’s pretty much been today’s task. And let me tell you, it’s a diplomatic nightmare. With just a few clicks of the mouse on Top Table Planner (which, by the way guys, is a lifesaver – I can’t actually recommend it more, if you’re trying to do a seating plan you really have to check it out) I’ve both nearly caused and narrowly averted disaster within the space of five minutes.
I’ve always wanted a Nobel Peace Prize – perhaps after this endeavour, solving the Middle East crisis should be a piece of cake!
Every time I move someone, it creates an inappropriate pairing. Do I want my “Jack the lad” type mate next to my feminist friends from uni? No. Ah, but that leaves Miss X and Mr Y together – and they used to go out. OK, so if I just move Miss X over here, then Mr Y is stuck between two very elderly relatives… so I’ll just… argh!
BUT as long as everyone who I think is coming definitely RSVPs yes, I think I’m on to the winning formula. And I even picked up a few hints and tips along the way to help you guys do the same. A few dos and don’ts to get you started:
DO find out who’s coming and who isn’t – at least get a good enough idea to make a realistic plan in the first place.
DON’T tell people why you’re seating them away from other guests. You’re bound to offend someone.
DO make a list of who’s had falling outs, divorces, or who’s just unlikely to get along.
DON’T seat people apart just because they already know each other. Take it from a big social grump, I don’t go to weddings to meet new people. If I happen to, that’s great, but it doesn’t need to be orchestrated, regardless of what any etiquette guides will tell you. Seat people with their friends. They’ll have a much better time than if they’re awkwardly making small talk with strangers.
DO seat couples together. Again, the etiquette books will tell you otherwise, but if you put more than a minute’s thought into it, it makes very little sense for couples to be sat apart. If anyone disagrees with me, however, please argue with me (politely) I love it!
DON’T forget to seat yourself! The top table is also important!
DO think about age groups and interests, especially when someone won’t know anybody at the wedding. For example, I have a friend from an old job that definitely won’t know anyone. But she’ll almost certainly get on with my university friends.
DON’T make a really obvious singles table. It makes people feel like the dregs.
DO resist the temptation for comedy pairings (people who are likely to loathe each other on sight). It’s funny on paper, but you probably won’t be laughing on your wedding day.
DON’T get distracted by other people’s requests. Sure, take them into account, but if people start making demands from all angles, you don’t want to end up pulled in a million directions. If you follow all of the above, people will inevitably be fine where they’re sitting.
Have you made your seating plan? Have you run into any dramas trying to avoid social faux pas? I’d love to hear what you think!
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Big YES to:
DON’T seat people apart just because they already know each other.
and
DO seat couples together.
Definitely, it’s a wedding, I don’t want to sit with other people’s partners.
Exactly – I never quite got that, you get to a wedding looking forward to hanging out with your friends and instead spend the evening chatting to someone who’s perfectly nice, but you’re never going to see again…. that’s my take on it anyway
x
That’s a cracking article Sara with some really good advice! Thanks very much for the mention too.
I completely agree with you about sitting people that know each other together. I’ve been to a few weddings where I’ve had to make small talk for a couple of hours and it wasn’t much fun.
Good advice about sitting couples together too!
Thank you lovely
xx
Fab article on what is actually a really tricky thing to do! In order to combat trying to seat people in small groups (because we just couldn’t manage to figure it out) we’re going for a few long tables. We’re still going to try and seat people in family/friendship groups but this way we’ll also ensure the different groups are close enough that they’ll get to talk to someone new aswell.
We’re also going for long tables, which does make it easier as it’s more flexible and realistic for people to move around without looking rude! And it’s still a nightmare
Good luck with yours, I’m sure it’ll all be alright on the night <3 xx
We’re having mainly family to the day bit (which isn’t without issue!) but we’ve gone for family group tables so everyone knows everyone that they’re seated with. We’re not even having a traditional top table!
I’m glad you bought up the point about the singles table. I had to sit with a bunch of teenagers for 3 hours because I was single. No fun for me at all. My children were distributed among other tables too. I didn’t get it. 3 hours of boredom with complete strangers
xxx
I will also be putting couples together & family groups together…thanks Sara great advice xxx
A great post and some excellent advice! I was writing up our experiences of getting the guest list together the other day and it really is a nightmare! We haven’t created a seating plan yet but I’ve already pencilled a few of my friends onto a special table called the “inappropriate jokes table”… probably shouldn’t put that one near the grandparents table!!
We opted for a sweetheart table – which was lovely as we got a little bit of ‘us’ time on the day and also solved the headache of both sets of parents splitting and re-marrying. Each parent ‘hosted’ their own table and we arranged those 4 tables closest to the sweetheart. It worked really well and no-one had to make uncomfortable small talk. Good Luck, Sara – but with your sound advice, sounds like you’ve got it under control! xxx
Kalire- what is a sweetheart table? Sounds like what I need!
We’re having long tables and not doing a seating plan!
We’re having a “flowing buffet”, so bowls and platters of lovely food will be brought to the table and everyone will serve themselves and each other, family style. We’re not having a top table either because we’re hoping to mingle and switch places with people during the meal. That way, everyone can sit together who wants to and shift about during the hours we’ll be eating
Radical? Nah. Crazy? Maybe…
xx
I’m so glad that i don’t have to deal with the seating plan. We’re having a seat whereever you want, talk to whoever you want wedding!