As you guys probably know, I consider myself something of a feminist. Actually, perhaps feminist is the wrong word – more an advocate of equality. As such, despite having a huge aversion to speaking in front of big crowds (I say “um” and “know what I mean?” a lot!) I feel it’s my duty to give myself a bride’s speech.
You see, I’m determined to prove people who say marriage is a sexist institution wrong. Both my parents are walking my down the aisle, nobody’s going to be presenting me to get married or giving me away and damnit, I’m going to have a speech.
The problem, however, with breaking tradition is there’s very little to go on. I know a bride’s speech is hardly revolutionary, but it’s certainly not an established part of proceedings. The Internet is full of advice and templates for grooms, best men and bride’s fathers, but what about us women? What are we supposed to say on the biggest day of our lives?
Well, the advice websites I have found on the subject suggest we keep it “short but heartfelt” as not to bore everyone after all the more important (read male) speeches. Another website launched into a flimsy series of thank yous to the “supporting cast” of bridesmaids etc. the final insult, we’re apparently supposed to make jokes about how our fathers are paying for everything. Oh, and of course we need to avoid being crude or funny in any way, lest we shock people.
So, as I start to contemplate what I might say on my big day, I’ve decided to put together the following advice for you lovely brides out there planning to have your say. It’s your day after all!
The Bride’s Speech
♥ The first rule is that there are no rules. Isn’t that a beautiful thing? It’s not been established or set in stone – in fact, it’s still sadly so uncommon that people will have no expectations – and isn’t that just liberating? We get to start from scratch, no boundaries or constraints, and show everyone how it’s done.
♥ Be yourself. I have a horrible habit of turning into some bizarre parody of myself when presented with an audience. A bit like in Friends where Chandler has his photo face. Practice talking to an imaginary room in your own, normal voice. You’ll feel a lot more comfortable.
♥ Along similar lines, don’t make contrived jokes about things you don’t really mean. Speak from the heart – and joke from the heart. You’ll get more laughs.
♥ Why not subvert the old tradition of the groom starting with “on behalf of my wife and I” and start your speech “on behalf of my groom and I”?
♥ In fact, why not throw tradition out of the window completely and go first? No chance of boring anyone with yet another speech if yours is the first one! Or you could make a speech together as your first act as a married couple – it’s all about sharing right?
♥ If you really want to make a statement, why not have the mother of the bride, the bride and the maids of honour doing speeches instead of the men?
♥ Most importantly, enjoy yourself. You’re there to thank, to entertain and to say what it is you want to say. Remember everyone is (hopefully) there because you love them, they love you and they’re happy to share in your happiness. So no need to be scared of them.
Brides – are you planning to make a speech? What sort of thing are you going to say? Leave me a comment!
Share this post
Related posts:
Fab post!
When I got married in 2010, I had a few things I wanted to say, which could not be said on my behalf by anyone else. So I decided not to give a speech as such, but to do a short quiz!
It had 3 questions, and each answer led on to the point I wanted to make. One was for people to guess how many countries were represented in the room (People flew in from 15 countries for my wedding)which allowed me to thank everyone for coming. I then asked people to guess how I overcome a customs issue on way back from India wedding shopping trip (I cried to get out of it). This allowed me to thank my folks who shopped with me for all the outfits for all 6 events, as well as to say how much I appreciated them throwing us such a lavish wedding! My final question asked guests to guess how late I was for my first date with my hubby! This brought me on to the fact that good things are worth waiting for, and 4.5 years after we had met, our love was stronger than ever!
The great thing about saying a few words as a bride is that, given that you are breaking from tradition, you can say and do what YOU want, after all it is YOUR big day!
love this! I went to a wedding back in 2000, and that was the first time I saw a bride give a speech. As you say, she did the “on behalf of my husband and I…” bit. I think though, it’s all about being comfortable in yourself, and to be fair, it does take a bit of pressure off the husband, especially if public speaking isn’t his thing! If you like equality, there was a wedding I was at with Zoe Campbell, and the groom had a best woman instead of best man, as she was the groom’s best friend. I like seeing weddings that change the rules. x
I gave a very short impromptu speech at our wedding. We didn’t have a toastmaster and my Dad seemed nervous about starting the whole thing off so I took the mic and just thanked everyone for making the journey (we got married in France) and how thrilled we were to have so many people we loved to celebrate with us. Then I briefly thanked my bridesmaids and thanked my husband for actually turning up (hehe). Then I introduced my Dad and handed him the mic.
I hadn’t planned on speaking but glad that I did as I really was so grateful to have everyone there
Now I am in no way religious and neither is my husband, but he is of Jewish descent, so he was missing out on a few things on his wedding day (you should know he did not care he didn’t have these things or he wouldn’t have married me)
Anyway for my speech I got a real glass and asked him to smash it. Its a tradition he was missing out on, and not only did he get to do it but I also got to say a few things as well. I loved it, and I think everyone should do it
I used to play in a professional string quartet and we did a lot of weddings. The best bride’s speech I ever heard began “I’d like to thank my parents for giving birth to me”
What a good idea! I hadn’t even thought of a bride’s speech, I just assumed my hubby and I would stand up together and say a few things from both of us. Interesting!
Also, it’s lovely to read a wedding blog with feminist sensibilities
I feel exactly the same way as you do!
x
I have actually been contemplating whether or not to do a speech – so I loved this post! My h2b’s best man is also a very good friend of mine, we’ve known each other for 10 years, and I have it on good authority (in fact he told me himself) that there will be several cracks about me in his speech as well as my H2b… might have to take to the mic to defend myself.
I’m getting married this May and after telling my H2b that I wasn’t keen on the idea of loads of boring speeches he said he thought a couple of people should say a few words. I immediately volunteered!
Do it! I did one and I was so pleased. My husband and I are partners in our marriage, so it’s only right that we both get to have our say on the wedding day. It’s nice to be able to say something nice back to your husband, to thank your in-laws for making you feel welcome and give heart-felt thanks to your bridesmaids. I toasted ‘to friends and family’ at the end. After all, the day wouldn’t have been the same without them.
I will definitely be making a speech, which I doubt will come as a surprise to any of my guests because I have always been unable to resist an empty stage.
I have kept a diary for about 12 years, and have every part of my relationship (7 years on our wedding day) with the boy documented, so I’m toying with the idea of picking out a few choice segments from the diary.